The mother of invention
My kitchen floor is the color of dirt. Not just any dirt, but my dirt. Our old floor was the color of Snow White, and I was her bitch, obsessively dust-busting and Swiffering to keep it grime-free in a household full of dwarf toddlers, pets, and a baseball-loving husband who’s infields somehow always ended up inside. So, when the time came to remodel the kitchen I saved two-week’s worth of our family’s floor sediments comprised of baseball dirt, poodle hair, tabby cat fur, muddy shoe prints, cookie baking mishaps, and all manner of crumbs from cheerios, dinosaur chicken nuggets, and Cheezits. I brought my Ziplock baggie full of family dirt to the tile store and used it as a guide to pick out precisely the right color and pattern that would make it disappear. Voilà! Our lives are immeasurably better from my dirty floor hack, although I must admit, we’ve taken to wearing socks.
This is how my brain works: a constant stream of invention and brainstorming for new products, solutions, and businesses. When my kids call me MacGyver Mom, I’m flattered, and then my mind immediately goes to “I wonder if MacGyverMom.com is available?” (Taken, but could be yours for $119.) I suspect there are more people just like me out there, or at least there are television characters like me: Tom Haverford, the endearing character on Parks and Rec, was known to rattle off rapid-fire business ideas as if they were going out of style like Toddler Cologne on a clearance rack. Red Carpet Insoles, Sparkle Suds, or Lasik for your toenails, anyone? No doubt the writers at Parks and Rec were inspired by Seinfeld’s Kramer who also display the entrepreneurial spirit with inventions such as the Coffee Table Coffee Table Book, and a mansierre called “The Bro.” They are the crazy inventor architype, and they are my people.
I’ve been “inventing” and naming things since I can remember. My sisters and I would spend hours designing strappy sandals and wrap-style clothes from pieces of carboard, string, ribbons and scarves. At least once a week we’d turn our kitchen into a test lab for new recipes, only some of which resulted in food poisoning. Fourth grade, best school project ever: the assignment was to invent our own country including the motto, flag, traditional costumes and foods. My country was called “Cleanland” where everyone wore white, tidiness was our virtue, and Sloppy Joes were replaced with “Neat Joes”, slider-style hamburger patties with the packaged McCormick’s Sloppy Joe mix stirred in, served on a single (no mess) bite-sized bun. A+!
My inventiveness has always been percolating. On an after-holiday return trip to college, my dad and I stopped for coffee at a gas station. This was way before coffee was cool. There were no fancy sip tops to drink your hot coffee while you drove, and no cup holders either. (Can you imagine?) So, I fashioned my own crude coffee sip top by tearing a small flap in the plastic top of the Styrofoam cup. My dad exclaimed, “That’s brilliant! You should patent that. You’ll make a million dollars.” I didn’t, and therefore I’m not.
Another thing that I’m not is an architect, but that didn’t stop me from drawing the floor plans to dozens of houses in my youth. This was my favorite rainy-day activity. While my siblings were binge watching Star Trek, or playing ball in the house, I was trying figure out an elegant way to tuck a coat closet into a foyer without losing the sight line to the feature wall in the living room. Not quite an invention, but the creative spirit was undeniable.
As I got older, I started dreaming up businesses, and particularly business names. I was knee-high in baby diapers during the late 90s so I missed the boat and the boom on snatching up domain name real estate. Dagnammit! (Dagnammit.com is taken, but yours for only $119.) Still, GoDaddy domain search is my secret late-night playground, like porn for we etymological entrepreneurs.
Of course, the old adage rings true: Necessity is the mother of invention, and I’m an artist, so my unrealized business ideas have a decidedly theater-mom-of three-graphic-designer quality to them. I also love the food industry, and systems, and words. Most of my ideas were dreamt up long before the internet took hold of our lives and many mega companies have bloomed from similar idea seeds. Those entrepreneurs with more opportunity, time, money, grit, passion, luck and connections have done me proud with all their success. I’m truly satisfied with the notion that great minds think alike, and besides, what would I do with all that money?
Here’s a sampling of my early ideas, business names, and today’s corresponding successful companies, if any.
Minerva: an online marketplace for artists and makers. (Etsy.com) Minerva is the Roman goddess of Arts. Literally had a business plan with this very idea back in 1993, drat!
Project Homework: School project library, marketplace, exchange, supplies including ready-made, or ready-to-make school project kits with directions and organized by subject/category. (Pintrest.com)
The Logo File: A graphic design business that specializes in branding and logos. It’s a play on the word logophile for all you Greek enthusiasts. (Canva.com, Wix.com, Shutterstock.com, istock.com,)
Once Upon a Family: Writing/designing and publishing books that tell the story of a family via the oral history of its oldest member/s. (Storyworth.com, Ancestory.com, Shutterfly.com)
Lyrical Spherical: Artfully designed favorite song lyrics on posters, home decor, wedding memorabilia, and textiles. The name is a play on the old Announcer’s Test: One hen, two ducks… Likewise, Numerartogy, but for meaningful numbers: birthdates, anniversaries, addresses, geo-locations, etc. (Etsy.com, Society6.com, Zazzle.com)
Stage Crafts: Art gifts for theater kids made from old playbills, props, costumes, posters, scripts, music sheets, and stage notes. Perfect for decorating dorm rooms. (Etsy.com, Pintrest.com, etc.)
ReMemories: Upcycling cherished clothes, photos, and memorabilia into art, puzzles, rugs, baskets, boxes, books, and quilts. (Etsy.com, Shutterfly.com) I actually do this now in my own life for friends and family but haven’t turned it into a business. Yet.
Stitches or Stitch Fix: No not that one, rather a franchise of affordable women’s tailor shops set up in malls, so that you can go ahead and buy those awesome on-sale, perfect color dress slacks if only they were hemmed, or taken in a tad on the waist. The tailor would be required to stitch in a label indicating that the garment has been altered, thereby voiding any wear and return schemes with original store. Imagine how much more revenue the clothing stores could make turning every “if only” sentiment into a sale, especially if it’s conveniently located and stitch fixed right away. Men’s suit stores have been doing this for forever. Time to bring it to the ladies!
More ideas from the someone-else ACK-tually invented it after I invented it category: An app to find a qualified babysitter (Care.com, Bambinositters.com); Home-cooked meal deliveries/meal prep kits for working moms (DoorDash.com, BlueApron.com, DishDivvy.com, etc.); A mom-staffed service for after-school kid transportation (HopSkipDrive.com); a Bluetooth sticker/tag to find keys, pets, clickers, etc. (Tile.com); a magnetic sticker to turn any part of your wall into a mini magnetic board (Goodhangups.com); the scan and bag as you go shopping cart (Stop & Shop, and others); an app to give tips digitally to strangers like parking attendants and buskers (Bravo); and a match.com like app for platonic friendships (Bumble.com/BFF, HeyVina.com).
And I could go on, and on (and on) … just ask my husband. =)
I’ve had a killer idea for sunflower seed packaging since I was a teen. And an idea for a website/server to store archives of all a deceased person’s social media and digital life files, like a digital graveyard, called heaven.com. A business whose business it is to name businesses (nameone.com). A We Work-style franchise that is tooled for crafting, drama rehearsals, club meetings, and lessons, called We Play, or We Make. Or how about a franchise or network of affordable parent-run homework club spaces near elementary and middle schools that could address the after-school conundrum of what to do with not-quite-ready to be latch-key kids.
When my kids were in HS theater mode, I imagined a solution to the painful shortage of performance spaces, and the lack of accessibility to live theater/music. My idea is a company that retrofits a percentage (like 1 or 2 screens) of a megaplex movie house into live stages complete with lighting, sound systems, backstage amenities, etc. The movie theaters with their ready concessions, bathrooms, parking, etc., would be transformed into full-service entertainment venues, with for example, a blockbuster screening in theater 4 and a regional performance “Midsummer Night’s Dream” in theater 6. I hope someone will do this once the pandemic fades and we’re allowed to be entertained again IRL.
Before Children (B.C.), I dabbled in the food industry. We owned a small fast casual fresh pasta restaurant: Pick your pasta, pick your sauce… endless pastabilities! I expanded into wholesale, supplying fresh, custom pastas like squid ink fettuccini, or pumpkin rotelle to gourmet restaurants. Always with the clever name, “Annie Pastas” thrived for a while, until my kids were born in quick succession and I had to trade my industrial extrusion machine with the heavy bronze cast dyes for an easy-collapse double stroller. It was unceremoniously sold to a couple of Hassidic men in long coats who owned a Jewish deli in New York. Here’s hoping they grabbed a good domain name, NoodleNosh or JewdlesofNoodles, perhaps.
My pasta company may be long gone, but other unrealized food business ideas abound. How about a fast casual restaurant that serves only comfort casserole-style foods like Tuna & Noodle, Lasagna, Mac & Cheese, Shepard’s Pie, Enchiladas, called Le Casa. Take them to go by wrapping them in crepes, flatbreads, and tortillas (Le Casa Rolls), or mix and match bowl-style (Le Casa Bowls). Imagine a food as theater venue for local competitive cooking challenges, fundraisers, lessons and parties, like a community Chopped kitchen — fun! Tired of packing lunches? Try the Brown Bag Food Truck, with morning order pick-ups in front of schools, and noon pick-ups for business community in town or at a corporate park. Or how about a restaurant named “Your Place” whose rotating menu is made up of recipes submitted by the customers (tested/developed by the chef). Who wouldn’t love to take friends to a restaurant when your family recipe is featured? You’d be famous adjacent with Grandma Sally’s chicken pot pie, Uncle Buck’s BBQ, or Molly’s blueberry blintzes on the menu.
Now that I’m semi-retired, my start-up brain has even more time to frolic. (Pro tip: the best ideas always come in the shower.) When I’m not fantasizing about a double-dishwasher kitchen so that I never have to unload it, or a “smart” food pantry subscription service which will keep me mindlessly stocked with staples like canned tomatoes, cream of mushroom soup, condiments, and baking ingredients, I spend time each day indulging in business podcasts that celebrate the entrepreneur, How I Built This, Acquired and The Pitch. On the television, there are endless loops of Shark Tank, The Profit and business news, and a little Chopped for the creative spirit. No surprise, I’m working on a new business idea of my own. I’ve got the name and logo, I’ve got the packaging, and I’m fine-tuning the product. But I’ve gotta get a move on… pretty sure no one has beat me to market on this one, yet. And yes, I’ve already checked, the domain name is available for only $9.99.
